Before Its Time

Patent forever pending

There have been damn few occasions in my life when I have fallen upon a brilliant idea that was clearly far ahead of its time…but the FacePhone was one of these.

Many, many years ago, about the time when the average cellular telephone resembled a massive block of Velveeta cheese, I came up with the concept of the FacePhone.

It was to be a mask (refer to the crude prototype above) which carried all the electronics of a cellphone. This would allow the wearer to walk about and talk on the phone without looking like they were talking on the phone. There was nothing ostentatious about it. You could sit at a sidewalk cafe or on a park bench, watch the world go by and carry on a conversation without ever moving your lips. It had shades of reverse-ventriloquism.

I mocked up a FacePhone and wore it around Vancouver, cheerfully yakking into my mask. No one looked twice.

You could be in a meeting or in a movie and take a call. Except for the modest antenna, no one would notice.

You could be in a bar flirting with other women while, at the same time, talking to your wife. It could have saved Tiger’s bacon.

It is now illegal to hold a cellphone to your head while driving in British Columbia. I can picture a FacePhone in every car.

They could either be extremely those masks the agents in Mission Impossible films are always peeling off..or they could be festively creative.

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You could market a whole line of Celebrity FacePhones. If you buy the Steven Tyler model you can store parking change in the lips.

Oh sure, it’s a little crude and requires some refinement, but I think there’s something there. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets a cellphone implanted directly in their skull. Why not be up front and start on the face? I’m sure someone snickered at Edison too.


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