M.A.E.- The ‘Feel Good’ Security Solution

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Want an incentive to get in shape for the New Year? How about the  possibility of a full-body scan at an airport near you?

Jenny Craig should be jumping on that bandwagon. Forget about Valerie Bertinelli in a bikini. How does she measure up when you bombard her with radio waves or give her backside the old backscatter?

Who mans these machines? Apparently those people will be secreted in another space. Let’s hope so, otherwise those security people will have to be blessed with the greatest poker faces in history. Ben Stein comes to mind.  They’d have to make Buster Keaton look like Richard Simmons.  I hope it’s a sound proof room, too, because no one wants to hear a snort, a guffaw, or even the merest titter after their body goes on display.

And what about the pat downs? They’re saying you might be given the choice between the scan and the pat down. Will the friskers be gender specific? I suppose your choice might depend upon what kind of day you’re having. Honey, you take the scan, I’m feelin’ a little frisky today. Perhaps it’ll be like a massage where you can request a man or a woman. This is really strange and delicate stuff.. never mind the basic issues of privacy and civil liberties.

Here’s the thing. I think we should all be on a level playing field. I believe we should all fall under the umbrella of M.A.E..Mutually Assured Embarrassment. If someone gets to look at me without my clothes, I get to look at them without theirs. There should be a big screen visible to all the passengers waiting to be scanned so they, themselves, can thus scan the scanner.

And if someone is going to pass their hands over my body I say turnaround is fair play.

This could turn every airport into one giant game of Twister.

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