The Surgical Shopping Strike

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I blew into one of the Vancouver area’s biggest and busiest shopping malls late yesterday afternoon.

I went in there like a SWAT team. I hit the ground fast, was totally focused on my mission and tried to get out before anyone noticed. This, I think is the difference between the way that men and women shop. It may be slightly different at Christmas when pretty much everyone is in a panic…but I think that women are much more inclined to wander and graze amid the merchandise. Men, for the most part, just want a quick kill. It’s generalizing, I know, but that’s my theory.

So I was Exocet shopping...just like a French, radar-guided missile. People whom I zoomed by were simply a blur. I had a vague sense of them in my peripheral vision. I heard no Christmas music even though every shop was pumping it out full blast. All I could sense was the blood rushing in my ears…just a low whooshing din.

Launch your missile-toe

When I entered a store I made instant eye contact with an employee. I gave them the kind of look that said: ‘ You have fifteen seconds to engage me meaningfully or I’m out! ‘. Some responded, some didn’t.  I wasn’t in there to ask for advice. If a clerk waffled or didn’t seem to know their stuff, I dropped them like a Tiger Woods sponsor. No store that had more than four people waiting in line at checkout got my business. I kept the pleasantries to a minimum. I may have uttered a Happy Holidays or two..I really can’t remember.

Through it all, my focus was frightening.

I launched. I struck. I returned safely to home base. It may not exactly have been in the warm and fuzzy spirit of the season but, damn, it worked well for me.

Merry Christmas, Mission accomplished.


2 Responses to “The Surgical Shopping Strike”

  1. Glad to hear you had a successful shopping trip. Have a wonderful Christmas!

  2. Exocet Shopping. That’s a good one. I do look forward to your entertaining updates. Please keep at it. Merry Christmas.

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