Oh, Don’t Get Me Anything for Christmas

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The Christmas thrill threshold is cyclical, is it not? Our fondest childhood memories can be of the holidays but then, inevitably, Christmas gets a little tired. You can rediscover it through the eyes of your own children. There’s undoubtedly an injection of latter-day wonderment, frequently fueled by just the right amount of eggnog.

Once your kids fly the coop there’s a very good chance that enthusiasm for the Yuletide may lag again. If you live long enough it may sparkle renewed through the eyes of your grandchildren. And so it goes.

It is in those doldrum years, those valleys between the festively frantic peaks, when a wife may turn to her partner and say, ‘ This year, don’t get me anything for Christmas ‘.  Even if you want to believe it….don’t.

It is true that the longer a marriage stays together the harder it is to come up with a gift that will gladden the heart and delight the senses on Christmas morning. Look at the course of your own relationship. Somehow, over all those years, you went from romantic to rudimentary. You went from wrapping jewelery in sexy underwear to trying to find enough ribbon to slap on a bread maker.

An iron? You shouldn't have.

I cannot count the number of times I have asked The Frau what she’d like for Christmas and she has answered ,’ nothing ‘. The only response more disingenuous is when she replies, ‘ you ‘. Well, that’s flattering and sweet (and, frankly, a foregone conclusion) but I ain’t buyin’ it for a second. Can you imagine the look you’d get if you walked up to your dearly beloved, empty-handed, on Christmas morning and said, ‘ Well, baby, here I am! ‘  That’s the kind of thing Ralph Kramden used to pull.

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When your partner says, ‘ Don’t get me anything for Christmas ‘, what she’s really saying is, ‘ I’m not doing your thinking for you. I’ve done all the shopping for everyone else in this family. It’s your job to come up with something appropriate for me.’

And, baby, it better be good.

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