Choose your words Wisely

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Is it possible to sit in front of your television with your spouse, watching the tsunami of coverage over Tiger Woods’ indiscretions and not be dragged into a theoretical discussion about infidelity?

It is if you’re smart.

As a conversational exercise it is minefield of potential missteps. Intelligent men and outright cowards know enough to stay away. Those of us who are stupid enough to think we can hold court on any topic can soon find ourselves up to our necks in guacamole.

If you choose to defend Tiger (an extraordinarily slippery slope) there are several risky tacks. You can go the Neanderthal route by stating the obvious…and that is that he is simply..a man. He is driven by the primal male instinct. The problem with this line of argument is that you must therefore admit (if it’s not already obvious) that you are a man as well. Welcome to a can of worms as big as a rain barrel. This is when the spouse may lean over and ask if you have ever succumbed to your primal male instinct. I would fake a stroke or heart attack at this moment.

Another line of reasoning might be that Tiger was stuck in a loveless union. Yes, she’s beautiful. Yes, there are children. But perhaps he became a prisoner, of sorts, a prisoner in an emotionless tango. These other women may have provided him with a form of deep, emotional rescue. Stop laughing, dammit! Laughing isn’t conducive to healthy deliberation.

You could always argue against the other sex, a bold, daring manoeuvre best attempted by only a master debater.

Who are these women who make themselves available to incredibly wealthy married men? It’s bad enough that they offer themselves up on the smörgåsbord of infidelity but then have the temerity to turn around and provide evidence for money. What does this say about their depth of character? Are they somehow excused from all of this?  It’s weak, I know.

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This is an example of when no offence can provide a good defence…because, really, there is no defence. Well, there’s no defence that can be argued with a straight face.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. Not to kick a dog when it’s down but, hell! You didn’t just let down your wife, your  family and your fans…you backed every single guy into a potentially nasty little corner from which there are damn few mulligans.

So watch the continuing coverage in silence guys (You can hardly avoid it). Take the 5th, wash some dishes, develop laryngitis, join a monastery. Remember, this too shall pass.

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3 Responses to “Choose your words Wisely”

  1. This is so funny -and so true! I would put this topic in the same category as asking your husband if he finds another woman attractive, or even asking your husband if he was looking at an attractive woman who passed by.

    Tell the truth, or tell a lie -you are likely in the doghouse either way!

  2. so very true. And, of all the rhetoric I’ve read on Tiger Woods, the most unique and amusing.

  3. Oh Dave! How I miss you! Loved it!

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