Hating Holly

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Well, there’s no stopping it now, is there? December 1st hit and my neighbour snapped on the Christmas lights. I awoke from a long afternoon nap yesterday to discover that The Frau had festooned the banisters with garlands. I’ve already watched The Grinch.

You know what this means. The worst job of this season or any other is staring me squarely (and inevitably) in the face. Why did I begin the tradition of encircling the front doors of our home and decorating the living room mantle in holly? It must have been a way to trim down the holly bush at the side of the house and make use of the branches. It’s a horrible job. Holly is the most penetrating of your perennials.

It’s doesn’t matter if you are girded in chain mail link, holly will find a way to inflict a thousand tiny punctures upon your digits. It will leave you with a pair of swollen, itchy hands that afford all the dexterity of catcher’s mitts. When it emerges in mid-summer, a fresh, unfolded holly leaf is as gentle as the down on the underbelly of a newborn gosling….but within a couple of weeks it hardens and spikes and positively lays in wait for the December trim. And that’s when holly exacts its awful revenge.

My holly picking outfit

I will tape up my fingers like a prize-fighter. I will don the heaviest, thickest leather jacket in the closet. I will grab the loppers with the extra long handle. We’ll see who emerges unscathed from this annual battle between man and nature.

I only hope I have enough strength left to craft my festive mistletoe belt buckles.


3 Responses to “Hating Holly”

  1. Dave, I laughed out loud when I saw the armor outfit. I do enjoy reading your blogs very much. Lots of humor in your stories. Thanks for the smiles!

  2. Mike Hutchison Says:

    “festive mistletoe belt buckles”

    But aren’t you supposed to kiss under the mistle… uh, nevermind!

  3. I, also, threw back my head and laughed loudly. Dave, you are a master at conjuring up images……AND medieval pictures!!! God I needed that.

    Carry on….!

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