Everyone off the Dance Floor

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I must be completely out of step here but I do not, for the life of me, understand the popularity of a show like Dancing with the Stars.

American Idol, I get. There’s a journey.  There’s a chance to watch some young people struggle to make their mark.

But why would I want to watch a bunch of B-list celebrities learn how to dance? Chances are I didn’t much like what they were doing in their real jobs. Now you want me to embrace their recreational time? Strange. What’s the payoff here? Is it because these people are supposedly out-of-their-element doing the jitterbug?

Celebrities of this calibre used to filter down to game shows and that was fine with me. Think of all the people The Hollywood Squares used to employ! And that was good. There was nobody better than Paul Lynde in that centre square. Nobody.

I liked Charlie Weaver (Cliff Arquette) and Wally Cox and George Gobel too. Hell, I even thought Maria Rosario Pilar Martinez Molina Moquiere de les Esperades Santa Ana Romanguera y de la Najosa Rasten…better known as Charo (cuchi cuchi!) deserved her square. ( I can’t believe I just wrote ‘cuchi cuchi’.)

And then there was The Match Game and Password and I’ve Got a Secret. This was action central for people like Nipsey Russel and Charles Nelson Reilly and Fannie Flagg.

But the game shows are more or less gone and taken with them are all those employment opportunities for the stars who twinkled in a less stellar corner of the firmament.

And now you can find them all dancing.

marie osmondMarie Osmond fainted after one particularly spicey samba and, I swear to God,  it got more airplay than the Zapruder film. Entertainment Tonight must have had her keel over 60 times!  Now her brother’s burning up the floor. Heaven help us if they start recruiting from the Jackson family.

By the way, I have met and interviewed Marie Osmond twice. The second time she asked me if I “enjoyed being obnoxious?”.

Sometimes, Marie, yes.

Other times I just feel like…dancing.


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