A Natural Naysayer


I walked into that omnipotent coffee emporium yesterday. It’s become a daily ritual for many of you, I know,  but I have steadfastly avoided the place over all these years.  It’s too damn cultish for me. I’d rather give my business to something a little less corporate. But yesterday I was being treated to a coffee and so I went along for the ride.

The first thing that happened was that the young woman behind the counter handed me a tiny pleated paper cup (like the kind the dentist gives you full of fluoride rinse) brimming with their new organic instant coffee. No chemicals used in this stuff, she said.

The mere mention of  ‘organic‘  triggers a negative reaction in me now. I feel the same way about organic as I do about any business the size of this coffee company. I simply don’t trust it. I truly believe that the organic movement will prove to be one of the great boondoggles of the 21st century. I might not live to see it (my body, no doubt, racked with all manner of chemically-induced disease) but I think thirty years from now saner heads will look back at this time and say, ‘Remember all that organic hooey? What the hell were we thinking? ‘.

It’s like that scene from Woody Allen’s movie Sleeper where he awakens after being comatose for decades only to have the doctors offer him a cigarette and say ,’It’s tobacco. It’s one of the healthiest things for your body’.

It would be fine if we all lived in an organic bubble. If we breathed organic air and drank organic water and sat on organic car seats. But we function within a world that’s been organically corrupted and we are inextricably part of that fabric. I don’t believe throwing back a handful of organic M&M’s is going to help me at this stage.

In fact, I think the chemicals are sometimes the only thing keeping me going. I think they’ve linked to my dna and have laminated my immune system. If I could magically become a 100% organic creature overnight, I think I’d be susceptible to every half-ass malady that came down the line. Nobody wants to die of an ingrown toenail.

While I applaud the sentiment of living a cleaner life and ridding the planet of destructive elements, the organic culture, itself, has been compromised. It is costly. It is manipulative. I think it now relies on a kind of subterranean hysteria. I believe it’s basically a placebo. If filling my basket with organics gives me holistic peace of mind, it has already done about as much good as it can. And that’s fine. Proponents can pay the price. I just don’t think the data will be there on your deathbed.

By the way the new instant coffee tasted fine. I’m no connoisseur but I have chugged a mug of kopi luwak….the rare brew that’s been shat from an Indonesian civet cat.

That, folks, is organic.


2 Responses to “A Natural Naysayer”

  1. I’m with you one this one. I don’t do the organic thing, never have and never will. I don’t trust it anymore than I trust anything made in China.

    The funny thing is that so many people go for it. People will willingly pay the craziest prices for anything labelled Organic., without questioning any of it, yet go and drink a diet ,aspartame laden Coke with their lunch down at Granville Island. My motto is to eat as much food in its natural form as I can, and who says Doritos aren’t natural?

    Makes me wonder what I can do with all those worm castings on my lawn… tht is about as organic as it comes too!
    We gardeners call those lumps Black Gold. If it makes plants grow like crazy, I wonder what it could do for us?

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